Proper Mental Attitude in High Risk Conflict Resolution

In my work I have found that having an understanding of diplomacy and a sense of empathy to be very advantageous when having to deal with people in high stress/ risk situations. While applying these two attributes I have intercepted and avoided many a physical altercation when interceding in arguments and/ or standoffs while working as a bouncer, and I have avoided having to charge many people with assault and/ or robbery when working as a Loss Prevention Officer.

Although I have no formal diplomatic or conflict resolution training, I have somehow developed an innate sense of their concepts and have been able to apply them very successfully. I attribute this to a number of sources, primarily my early training in Shin Shin Toitsu Aikido and it's emphasis on sincerity, non- contention, and the concept of "Mu Shin", my Grandfather, a career Army Officer and a primary father figure in my life, who himself seems to have an innate understanding of diplomacy and who I modeled much of my self image on, and my Mother, who early in my life, taught me the value of empathy and compassion. Along with these resources, I have also had the opportunity to apply these attributes under "live fire" conditions, which I have found to be invaluable in establishing and re-enforcing their importance under those circumstances.

When I face a potentially violent situation I make a point of never taking anything that is said or done personally. If someone calls me a "fucking asshole", I respond by saying, "you're right, I am a 'fucking asshole' but we still need to bring this to some sort of closure". Generally, I don't mind letting someone let off a little steam at my expense as long as they are not threatening or interrupting the peace of incidental bystanders. I look at each situation as an opportunity to help someone who is in bad place in their life, and as an opportunity to help them grow as a person. This has the effect of doing the same for me. Because of the nature of what I do for a living, I also make sure to do it with a calm and unattached mind (see "Mu Shin" above) so that I don't get caught up in the drama of what is going on and miss subtle body language or furtive movement that could lead to potentially painful, if not fatal, end to the incident.

Of course none of this is worth much if you don't have an effective delivery system. Physically, I try to keep my body language as non- threatening as possible while staying in an "aware and ready" stance. For me this entails keeping my knees slightly bent, staying on my toes, and having my hands above my elbows, usually in a steepled or "Jack Benny" posture. I also try to keep a low, even, sincere, empathetic, and non- judgemental tone to my voice, while keeping eye contact that communicates the same type of qualities. Of course this all has to be done while simultaneously being assertive, which can make it very challenging.

Sometimes, despite my best efforts, the conflict becomes physical and I have to apply self defense or arresting techniques. When this happens, I have learned (the hard way) that it is absolutely imperative to apply said techniques as immediately as possible with no "pussy foot'n" around. The technique applied must be as tight and stright forward as possible. I have found that it is best to avoid "pain compliance" holds and techniques and go rather for the ones that effect the persons posture/ structural mechanics instead. I usually don't care if the person is in pain as long as they are not able to hurt me or get away, although, if the technique is applied correctly, pain is often a side affect. Remember the immortal words of Angelo Dundee, "The first'est with the most'est is the best'est".

Stay safe!